This one starts with a night drive home from a full-day date in the city with my date. We were in my car, which I was proud to drive but which I didn't consider flashy.

When I first started dating, I worked in a technical role at a small company nobody had heard of. I considered that a possible dating deficiency. If she hadn't heard of the company, how would she know I made a decent living and had my finances handled? The car didn't help my case either. It was nice enough, but it was into its double-digit years.

Then I landed a job at one of the world's biggest tech companies. I was proud of my new role, and I quietly expected it to show up in my dating results.

Here's what I actually noticed: nothing. Dating felt exactly the same. At the old job and the new one, my work almost never came up past the job title. The résumé line I'd upgraded was a line nobody was reading.

The word that changed meaning

The drive home is where it clicked. The topic of cars came up, and I casually mentioned how long I'd been driving mine. She paused. Then she said something that surprised me. "That's really impressive."

That confused me. I'd always liked the car, but it was years past anything I'd call impressive.

She kept talking, and I realized she wasn't rating the car at all. What impressed her was that I didn't need to drive something that impressed everybody. She'd read the old car as evidence. Evidence that I handled my money and was comfortable with myself.

The thing I'd filed under dating deficiencies, she'd filed under green flags. We'd both used the word impressive, and we meant completely different things.

A box you check, not a score you run up

That's the reframe I'd hand any guy who believes his salary is the gate.

Your income is a box you check, not a score you run up. It needs to be big enough that you can run your own life and make your own choices. Once you are past that line, more of it doesn't make a huge difference.

That took me an entire job change to learn, so I'll say it again. Income is a box you check. It is not a score you run up.

What actually gets read is on display in every interaction: whether you take care of your health, whether your emotional reactions stay steady, whether you plan things and follow through. None of that costs a dollar more than you make right now.

She's not checking your net worth. She's checking your net worry. That's the amount of worry you'd subtract from her life, not the amount of money you'd add to it.

Worth your time

From the channel

— Michael Intentional Chemistry · intentional dating for men who want something real (and the women looking for those men)